The greatest command is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5). This is what we were made for: to love God. When we love God, everything in our lives comes into perfect balance and alignment. God gave man laws to show us how to operate and function in a way that facilitates right order and blessing. He commands us “to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live” (Deuteronomy 30:6)
“All of the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments”: to love God and love others. Love is foundational to a fulfilled, abundant, prosperous, joy-filled life. Not to mention a life that is submitted and obedient to the Lord Jesus.
Not only does all of the law hinge on these two commands but the second command hinges on the first. We cannot effectively, sustainably, and powerfully love others unless it is a direct outflow from our love for God. However, I’ve observed and personally experienced that loving God has become a mysteriously abstract and elusive command to observe. As a result, many believers are perennially frustrated in their attempts to love God and draped in condemnation due to their lack of love. Unsuccessful in the first command, they often default to doing the second and shift all of their energy and efforts into loving others. This results in burnout and disillusionment.
Loving God is not a difficult thing. He is altogether lovely, fairer than the sons of man, a friend that is closer than a brother, he is extremely likable and amazingly lovable. Those that do not love him have not truly seen Him or are simply unwilling to give up their own selfish ambitions ie the Pharisees. God is worthy of the center place of our hearts. Anything else that sits in that central place of importance in our heart will violently and adamantly resist upheaval.
If God is so lovable then why are so many believers seemingly always struggling to love Him more? I believe, like every sin, it has to do with our lack of understanding and wrong belief- particularly about what loving God looks like. There are many forms of love. In the bible there are at least 4- agape, phileo, storge, and eros. These attempt to capture the many different forms and expressions of love. For instance, when I say I love food it means something very different than when I say I love my parents. With both, there is volition and intentional effort but it is primarily a response and an emotion.
I think that love is actually quite simple- but we over complicate it. Don't get me wrong, love is not explainable, it is incredibly multifaceted, deep, and unimaginably powerful- but it’s simple (i think). When we love something or someone- we know it, and it moves us. I have never heard a husband or wife (in a healthy marriage) say “I’m just trying to love my spouse”. Now, they may struggle with expressing love and communicating with each other, but it is their love for one another that allows them to persevere and sustain the relationship. It’s out of their love that they serve and sacrifice. Service and sacrifice are not a substitute for love. Neither is effort.
On the other hand, when it comes to God. Love becomes incredibly abstract, out of reach, and difficult. Every sincere Christian I know wants to love God more- and that’s a really good thing. However, many do not feel secure and confident in that love. Despite our best efforts, we can’t seem to will emotions or affection in our hearts towards an invisible God who feels distant and mysterious. Want to know why? It’s because we can’t will emotions or affection in our hearts. At least not in a way that facilitates intimate connection, affection, and abundant life.
I fully believe in our own agency and ability to make powerful choices. A primary component of love is certainly choice. But love that is solely choice is not fully love. That is why the apostle John said “we love because He first loved us”. Not just a choice- but a response. So what if we recognize that He loves us- we’ve been told and believe that He gave His own life for us. Surely that fact is enough to generate love and affection in our hearts- if we would just meditate on it more and more and convince ourselves of our unworthiness. That’s going back to self-willed love.
Here’s where I believe our understanding of love plays a role in how we relate to God. Remember the four words for love used in the bible? Most Christians have been taught that Agape is God’s love- the highest form of love and what we should strive for. In fact, it’s the same word that Jesus used when He said to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might”. Or in perhaps the most quoted verse “God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son” (John 3:16). But then, 3 verses later: “men loved the darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil” (John 3:19). This love is also agape love. “They loved [agapao] the praise of men more than the praise of God” (John 12:43).
I think we’ve been slightly misled. A better definition of agape is self-willed love, love borne out of volition and sacrifice. Certainly a good thing. And absolutely a component of what led Jesus to the cross. But is it the highest aim of a Christian? To have a self-willed, volitional love that is sacrificial? I do not believe so.
I believe that Peter operated out of this love better than any of the other disciples. He was zealous in his love for Jesus and courageously went where none of the others did. He walked on water, he was in the inner circle, and he boldly proclaimed that even if all the other disciples fell away, he would not (Mark 14:28). However, in the moment of testing, Peter’s agape love failed him. It was not enough to keep him from denying the one he purposed to love so much. Love that is borne out of our efforts is limited by our willpower, discipline, and strength.
“Simon, son of John, do you agape me more than these?”
“Lord, you know that I phileo you”
Peter is drenched in shame. He abandoned his best friend and rabbi in His greatest moment of need. He did what he vowed he would never do. Sound familiar?
Again Jesus asks “Simon, son of John, do you agape me?”
“Yes, Lord; You know that I phileo you”
Peter can no longer say that he has greater love for Jesus than anyone else. He can no longer boast in his willpower or devotion. All he has is 3 years of memories and a deep brotherly affection for the man Jesus. Phileo love is not theological or abstract. It is a deep affection borne out of shared experience and familiarity. It doesn’t need to be loud or showy. In fact, the depth of the connection is only known by the two parties involved. It can’t really be explained to others. Jesus responds to Peter’s shameful admission in an unlikely way:
“Shepherd my sheep”
Peter feels like he’s failed; like he doesn’t have what it takes to be Jesus’ right hand man. He’s not a powerful, bold, fearless man. He’s just a friend of Jesus. Jesus’ response says: That is who I am looking for. “Feed my lambs”.
Jesus waited until Peter stopped relying on his own willpower and agape love to entrust him with the most important part of his heart: his sheep. Phileo love cannot be mustered up and it does not depend on our willpower. It can only be developed over time through shared experience, through intimacy, and conversation.
Peter had already been given authority and sent out to cast out demons and heal the sick. Later, at pentecost, he would receive the Holy Spirit which would enable him to preach with incredible boldness and win the souls of thousands. However, none of these equipped him to feed the sheep of Jesus’ flock. That kind of authority was developed in him as he walked with Jesus. As he connected his heart with Jesus’ heart. As he shared his life with Jesus and progressed from disciple and servant to friend and brother.
Lovers always outperform servants. It rarely happens in a moment, and it is always proved and tested over time. Deep love for God is birthed in our hearts as we allow ourselves to be loved by Him. It will engage every area of our mind, soul and strength. It will touch our deepest emotions as well as our highest intellect. It will lead us through great hardship and tremendous sacrifice. We choose the narrow path because we follow the one we love. We cannot hope to sustainably or successfully walk the narrow path in an attempt to love. Before you try harder to love God. Let yourself be loved by Him. Before you attempt to increase your love for Him by doing things for Him, let His love flood your heart by being with Him. It may not come in an instant, but all pure love develops and matures over time. Falling in love with Jesus is what empowers us to carry our cross. It's what strengthens us to face any obstacle or persecution. It's what gives us integrity and authority. He is altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me.
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