"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial..."

To be loved but not known will never satisfy. It will drive a person from relationship to relationship--always afraid of being entirely vulnerable, never allowing themselves to be truly honest--it is a vain covering, a shroud. it maintains a sense of mystery enticing others and drawing them in, allowing them in their imagination to put individuals on a pedestal and to be infatuated with the idea of a person. It is also a shield, to protect from letting others in, afraid that once they see what is behind the veil they will be utterly disgusted, appalled, or disappointed.

Why do women love mysterious men? and why is it so hard for men to be vulnerable and honest with their emotions? (and vice versa... sometimes...) Perhaps the two issues are one and the same. Everybody wants to be loved but it is a scary thing to be known...

"To be known and not loved is our greatest fear..." 

When I think about it, this really, actually, honestly might be one of my greatest fears. It takes on many forms--fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of commitment, fear of failure, the list goes on. I think that at the root of each of those aforementioned fears (and many others) is the same fear- that people will know me. and not love me.

It is one thing to be falsely accused, misunderstood, misinterpreted, or hated by a stranger. I could care less what a stranger thinks of me (even though i actually probably do care a little...). If someone misunderstands or misinterprets my actions or my words (which has happened many times) then usually a conversation can being about clarification and reconciliation. But what if... somebody completely understood where I was coming from, what I was saying, why I was doing what I was doing and consciously CHOSE to reject me. What if they weighed out all my characteristics and all my qualities and achievements and concluded "jon chou is a scrub" (or something worse!!!). I would not know what to do with myself... not because everyone loves me or because nobody thinks im a scrub (i am a scrub...) but because it goes against our innermost desire to be loved!! isnt it funny that everyone in the entire world could love us, but if one person hates us we often spend more time obsessing about that one person than all the people that love us. 

What better way to illustrate this truth than with an episode of everybody loves raymond... summary: Ray finds out that Jerry Musso hates him and obsesses over it. He cannot accept that somebody could hate him, and he ignores the love and affirmations of his family just to figure out why.

http://youtu.be/Zgtvjgeg98s- hahahah great show

It's a silly illustration and Ray Barone is super sensitive, but let's be real... everyone wishes that their life was essentially titled "Everybody loves insert your name here". It is easy to accept love but hard to accept hate. 

"But to be fully known and truly loved...is what we need more than anything." 

What does it mean to be fully known? It is a difficult thing to accomplish. Because of our insecurities and our fears it is hard to be completely vulnerable, it is difficult to open up to others when there is a chance that they may reject you. 

Who can even say that they fully know themselves? We are constantly learning more about ourselves and understanding why we react the way that we do, why we feel the things we do, and why we like/dislike the things we do. Self-awareness is not something that we are intrinsically born with- which is why there are so many people even in their  adulthood that do not really know or understand themselves. I think this may be part of the reason why it is so much easier for us to love ourselves... maybe we are so naturally self-absorbed, conceited, vain, and prideful because we dont actually know ourselves. We never fully explore the depths of our souls and the intricacies of our hearts. Surely, we know ourselves better than most, but as critical as I am of myself, I am quick to overlook many of my faults and it is easy to become infatuated with an idea of myself that may be far removed from the truth. Could we still love ourselves and remain as prideful as we are if we truly and totally knew ourselves?  Could we even love others if we knew their every thought and attitude? the deepest and darkest secrets of their hearts? Would we still be so quick to judge ?

"You wont know who you are until you know whose you are" This is the reality of sin, the necessity of the gospel, and hope of Jesus Christ all in one. We love ourselves because we overlook our sins and our faults and magnify our good deeds. We say we have no need for the gospel because we generally and genuinely believe that we are good people, especially compared to murderers, drug dealers, and rapists. The truth is WE DONT REALLY KNOW WHO WE ARE. when the Holy Spirit illuminates the depth of your very being, when He brings to light the intentions and motivations behind your every action, when he measures your attitudes, deeds, and thoughts with a just and perfect scale you have no choice but to be confronted with something that we try to hide and cover up every day of our lives. "We tend to judge others by their behaviors and ourselves by our intentions" but other people and especially not God, do not use such a favorable measure. 

the sinfulness of man is a truly scary and real thing. It took a miracle for me to realize I was a sinner, not just because I had stolen, lied, broken the law, cheated, hated, hurt, lusted, abused- but because the very nature of my flesh was sinful. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3). when the Holy Spirit brought me face to face with my sin, I realized that I was included under the "All" that sinned, and that I was no better than the people I looked down upon. When I met Jesus, I met myself for the first time. 

"When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' feet saying 'Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O LORD'"

If the gospel was only about the cross and only about the sinfulness of man, and if Jesus came to earth only to judge sinners then it would not be very good news at all. It is a sad thing to see prideful people completely in denial of their faults, and unwilling to seek or receive help of any kind. It is equally sad to see people consumed by their brokenness, covered in condemnation and unable to receive or give love.

This is why it is good news that Jesus did not come to judge the world (John 3:17), but he came to seek and save that which was lost (Luke 19:10). Jesus died on the cross, but he did not remain in the grave. So many christians look to the cross as the end, when it was only the beginning. Jesus came that we might have LIFE, but the gospel is so often preached as insurance for death. Jesus did not die just to get us out of hell and into heaven, He died to get hell out of us and Heaven into us!! 

There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ! (Romans 8:1) Why?? Because He who created us... He who formed us in our mothers womb... He who fully knew us.... He who was scorned and rejected and crucified by us (Acts 2:23).... He was the one that truly loved us!! While we were YET sinners, God demonstrated his love for us, by sending His son to die for us (Romans 5:8).

Lord, you have examined me
    and know all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down.
    You know everything I do.
Lord, even before I say a word,
    you already know it.

Your knowledge is amazing to me;
    it is more than I can understand.

I could say, “The darkness will hide me.
    Let the light around me turn into night.”
But even the darkness is not dark to you.
    The night is as light as the day;
    darkness and light are the same to you.

God, examine me and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any bad thing in me.   
 Lead me on the road to everlasting life